Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
