shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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