look no pants
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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