Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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