I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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