Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
