I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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