They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
