you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
