Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Alive.
So much puke
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
