I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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