pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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