apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my being single is dangerous.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
