I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm at about main and main street
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
