i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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