didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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