I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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