I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
