naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
