What a fucking waste of an outfit
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
