You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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