Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
