She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I FOUND THE LEGS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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