I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
