And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
