he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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