no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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