Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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