Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
