I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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