I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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