scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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