y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
