Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
