Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
