I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
