What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Can Purell be used as lube?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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