My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
