I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
