i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
