apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
