I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
