Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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