so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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