i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
