Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
