At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
