i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
