A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
