I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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