So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I faked an abortion last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
