I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
