I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
